Witty Questions | Newtonica

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him. Is he still wrong?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock those bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle does not have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If the police arrest a mute, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?